What It's Like...to Not Have Hearing Aids

Guest Post - I've known Derek since 2002.  In that 16 year span, we've both grown up, matured, found our footing, harnessed our sarcasm, and transitioned from high school kids to full blown adults with careers and mortgages and, for one of us, children.  A lot of things have changed, but one thing that hasn't?  Derek still has hearing aids...and I still do not.   

I’d like to say that, when I first met Derek, the last thing I noticed was his hearing aids.  I’d like to say I never picked up on the slight differences in the way he spoke, in the tone of his voice. I’d like to say I saw past the obvious, that didn’t register at all.  I’d like to say all of these things…but I can’t.  Aside from the fact that Derek was tall, witty, and handsome, I noticed Derek’s hearing loss right away.

Initially, I probably did all the things people do when they notice someone is hearing-impaired or deaf:  I overcompensated.  I spoke and e-n-u-n-c-i-a-t-e-d my words differently– a bad habit I picked up from years of trying to communicate with my hearing-impaired grandfather. I was hyperaware of the way my lips moved when I talked, thinking about all the ways I shaped vowels and consonants in a way I thought Derek could hear them. I worried about saying the wrong thing, thinking a question or unrelated sarcastic comment would halt our friendship in its tracks. I thought about Derek differently, both as the person he was but also as a person who is hearing-impaired and navigating what I assumed to be a more complicated world.

I did what we all (probably) do:  I saw the hearing-impaired person, not the person with hearing aids.  And I saw this hearing-impaired person through the lens of my own imagination and biases and allowed that to be the first filter I applied to the friendship.

Then the cliché:  I got to know Derek. The whole Derek. And the whole Derek was hilarious, sarcastic, mischievous (emphasis on that one), engaging, friendly, competitive, and…”a typical teenage boy” in a way most other typical teenage boys were. Because of course he was. But let’s be honest, Derek was that way from the start.  It was I who had to peel back my own self-made barriers and reflect on judgments I had created to see it.

When we first meet someone whose differences we can see, who triggers something in us, the challenge isn’t in failing to see those differences or building a wall around personalizing something that clearly is not ours to own.  The challenge is taking those components in with the entire picture, of not seeing the parts but the whole.  Because to pretend that Derek doesn’t live in a world different from my own would be ridiculous – of course he does.  But to pretend that Derek’s differences define our every interaction is worse. 

In this vein, I can’t, and don’t, pretend my friendship with Derek is without specific differences.  I have be aware of what direction I’m facing when speaking to him. I have to be more mindful while communicating in situations that challenge verbal communication.  I have to be more purposeful in the way I say things like “Manu Ginobili sucks” or “I hate CSU” (wouldn’t want him hearing those things as “Go Spurs go” or “I’m proud to be a CSU Ram.”). But I have to do all those things not because I’m trying to place Derek in a separate box or treat him differently or coddle him. I have to do those things – choose to do those things…want to do those things…just do those things - because doing those things allows me to be a part of Derek’s life. 

I can’t speak to how being hearing-impaired has affected Derek – only he can do that. What I can speak to is how having Derek as a friend, and therefore befriending someone who is hearing-impaired, has affected me. And truly, aside from the initial predispositions (which were clearly all mine and served as a good self-check and life lesson) and the slight variation in the way we communicate, the rest is…well, delightfully boring. Because in the end, people are great friends because they become great friends and are incredible people because they become incredible people. And as we well know, incredible people, like Derek, aren’t defined by their disabilities, their challenges…by their separate parts – they’re defined by the sum of their being, which in Derek’s case, just happens to include hearing aids.

Closed Captioning at the Movies

A few months ago, I wrote about closed captioning.  In that article, I mentioned that I don’t like to go to the movies because of the options available for hard of hearing people aren’t very good.  In my experience, the movies which had closed captioning on the screen weren’t played with any regularity or at very convenient times to make that a viable option.  Also, the closed caption devices which displayed the dialogue on the screen through a device which is held only by the person that needs it were not very good at keeping in place with the dialogue.  For example, the captioning would either be a few seconds ahead or behind of the actual dialogue playing in the movie, which is incredibly difficult to deal with.  Because of this experience, I have avoided going to movies and have opted to skip seeing the movies in the theater and to wait for them to come out on DVD or streaming service, which have closed captioning.

Well, this spring and summer have a massive lineup of new releases which I would love to see on the big screen. I decided to test the closed captioning devices out on two movies this weekend and I’m thrilled to report that in both cases the closed captioning devices work without a glitch and now I’m to see all the movies I’m anxious to see on the big screen!

I began by asking the ticket counter where to get a device which in both cases was the ticket counter.  They asked me which theater I was going to be in so that they could give me the right device.  The devices they gave me have a screen attached via a long, flexible arm to a piece that fits securely into a cup holder.  I had to apply a little effort to get the device into the cup holder, but it didn’t budge for the rest of the movie.  I then positioned the captioning screen so that it was just below the bottom of the movie screen in my field of vision.

I will admit that it did take a while to get used to moving my eyes from the movie screen down to the captioning screen, but the movies I saw contained dialogue from people with strong accents which I’m certain I would not have heard or understood if I hadn’t had the captioning device.  Using the device was well worth the adjustment and greatly outweighed any inconvenience.

I give many kudos to the companies that have made this captioning device functional and simple to use. I was also incredibly impressed with the staff at the theaters who made sure that I was familiar with the devices and had employees test a device when the movies started to ensure that they were working properly. That’s incredible attention to detail! These devices will greatly enhance my movie-going experiences and I no longer must wait for movies to come out for home use to be able to see them!

Until next time, please keep in mind that if you need hearing aids and don't wear them, you should!  If you know someone who needs them and doesn't, do them a favor and talk to them.  If you need to, send them to this site.  It's ok to wear hearing aids, there are lots of us who do!

Reading Lips

I have written before about advocating for yourself, what to do if a hearing aid battery dies, and meeting new people.  I also try to mention in every single post about the realities of wearing hearing aids and how you 1) You need to wear your hearing aids, 2) Your physical location will help you hear better, 3) Water is not your friend and 4) It is not enough to just wear your hearing aids.  Well, the skill I want to talk about today is an extremely powerful tool to help you hear and covers items 1, 2 and 4 I listed above.

That tool is Reading Lips.

I am not an expert on how to develop this skill because I don’t remember how I did.  I suggest that you search the internet, talk to your Audiologist and to a speech pathologist about things you can do to develop your lip-reading skills.  However, I do want to impress upon you that it is a skill that is invaluable, and I’d like to give you a couple of examples of why it’s important.

When I meet new people, besides acknowledging that I wear hearing aids and answering their questions, I usually tell them that I read lips and if I am not looking at them, they should assume that I can’t hear them. Also, maybe they could wait until I look at them before saying whatever they need to say.  This is especially true in restaurants or places where there is a lot of background noise.  Hearing Aid technology has come a long way with regard to reducing background noise, but they aren’t perfect and the background noise can interfere with regular conversation.  The cool thing is, in loud situations with a lot of background noise (restaurants, concerts, bars, sports events, etc.), I’ve found that being able to read lips means that I can ‘hear’ my conversation partners better than they can me!

When I was younger, my family and I agreed that if they wanted to talk to me and I was in another room in the house, that they or I would move to the same room so that I could see them when they wanted to talk to me.  This follows ‘assume when I am not looking at you, I can’t hear you’.

Reading Lips comes in handy in situations where you find yourself unable to wear your hearing aids.  For example, at the swimming pool, in hot tubs, sauna’s, the shower, or most occasions involving water.  I plan to write about water in future posts, but for now, know that water and hearing aids don’t mix (unless they’re waterproof).  I’ve been able to participate in many water-based activities in part because I can read lips and because I have wonderful friends and family who understand that I can’t hear them unless I’m looking at them.

Some things make reading lips more difficult: Heavy facial hair (especially mustaches), people who talk without moving their lips very much and people talking with their mouths full of food.  In those situations, I usually find myself asking people to repeat themselves more often or to slow down when they talk.

Conclusion

It takes time to develop the skills necessary to read lips.  However, I strongly believe that reading lips is a huge part of my hearing.  While my hearing aids are wonderful at helping me hear, reading lips provides another way for me to hear the subtle nuances of speech which I cannot hear even with my hearing aids.  I suggest that you talk with your audiologist and a speech pathologist and make a deliberate effort to develop those skills.  They will immensely improve your interpersonal quality of life and help you when you’re in conversation with your colleagues, friends, and family.  Don’t forget to advocate for yourself and make sure that your conversation partner knows that you can’t hear them unless you’re looking at them.

Until next time, please keep in mind that if you need hearing aids and don't wear them, you should!  If you know someone who needs them and doesn't, do them a favor and talk to them.  If you need to, send them to this site.  It's ok to wear hearing aids, there are lots of us who do!